Earlier this year at my university, Tsinghua, China’s Harvard, students hacked the university’s system and posted blogs slamming the Chinese education system. In China, of course, such criticism was quickly removed. As far as I know the responsible students were never caught; the university preferring to sweep the matter under the carpets of the Hall of the People. (By the way this is a world first on my blog, as I doubt this incident was reported anywhere else, on any other forum anywhere in the world). Education is a problem in China, intelligence in the one-party state is measured by knowledge as opposed to the ability to reason and formulate your own ideas.

However, Facebook groups started by foreigners such as “Save China’s Disappearing Language: Chinglish” are common. And at times are somewhat humorous. But I just don’t get why they don’t simply get some native speaker off the street and ask him first before they make public signs. Is it really that hard?

Nevertheless, it would be unbecoming of me to not supply the most amusing, but the perhaps not the funniest piece of Chinglish I have encountered in nearly a year and a half of my life in China.

In line with my attitudes towards to the Chinese education system, which are, by the way, mainstream in China, though not found in the newspapers, I have selected something I believe represents the New Chinglish. This movement is represented by verbosity and pompous English that leaves the native speaker confused rather than the more popularised grammatically incorrect or just plain incomprehensible Chinglish.

In a busy Beijing market I found the following sign:

“Please Do Not Purchase Items Without Authorisation”.

That is, please don’t steal things, Cheers, Max

Yes a lot of information is blocked (see earlier blogs), some things are not said, and the “Dalai” (Lama) is always referred to as the “Political Monk” or the “so-called Monk”. However the situation is not quite as bleak as information being purely blatant lies and fantasies. Information is simply mostly spun in a way favourable to China. So all you Richard Gere-loving Tibetan sympathising people out there –just take it easy alright.

Some things sadly, like Darfur and China’s role in fermenting that tragic conflict are not reported at all. I made my close Chinese friend cry when telling her about this genocide and China’s alarming compliance and responsibility with regard to arms trading.

Chinese youth are familiar with Orwell’s writing, and the thought of so much of the world, you just don’t know about, really overwhelmed her. It was one of my most painful moments in China. I felt her pain, feeling like there’s so much knowledge and information –you may never know about. Just about the biggest tragedy to befall a human being –to my mind anyway.

However, most amusing is when foreign guests appear on Chinese news and current affairs shows. This year marks the 30th anniversary of China opening up to the world, so surely more contact with the outside world will breed more openness and liberalisation? Surely?

But how do you control foreigners from potentially making unflattering comments about China?

A typical exchange might go as follows:

Chinese Interviewer: Mr X, would you say that in light of China’s astonishing and unbelievable financial growth, the world powers must give China a greater role in dealing with the financial crisis…Last week, the much-respected Professor Smith from Saint Auburn University in Alaska, USA, was quoted as saying: “The world must imbue China with increased power, lest responses to the financial crisis be impotent.”…As well as this various commentators from Europe, such as the eminent Professor L.J. Bjork from Icelandic National University, Reykjavík, Iceland were heard loudly praising China’s swift response to the contaminated milk crisis, as further evidence that China should be given increased power to set the world’s agenda…The very well respected Professor Bjork, went further, even suggesting that the EU lift its game with regards to safe health practices in food handling…So…all of this could be seen to evidence China’s increased maturity that makes the world want to look to China for her much-needed help. Clearly China’s unbelievable economic success could be used to aid the world and produce positive outcomes for the entire world. It would seem China must take the lead and come to the world’s rescue, in light of China’s unbelievable economic success. What do think, Mr X? Could this perspective realistically be objectively rebutted…? What are your thoughts, …Mr X?

Foreign interviewee: (Stunned, confused and struggling to remember all that has been said and what the specific question was…)…Errr…yeah I would say that is true. Certainly China’s consistent economic growth has been astonishing…Indeed, China has an important role to play in world affairs.

Chinese Interviewer: (Interrupting…) So Mr X, clearly you agree. In addition various commentators from very well respected institutions from across Europe and America have said…

And so on.

Indeed, journalism in China has a way to go yet, but certainly the Olympics has helped things. Personally I just find it highly amusing rather than nasty and sinister as some would have you believe. Isn’t Disneyland s’posed to be the happiest place on earth? I always liked the symbolism of ‘It’s a Small World After All’. And Richard Gere is still a very handsome man. Though unable to enter China according to Wikipedia which is now pretty free post-Beijing’s Olympics. Surely the “evil, nasty, devil-incarnated” Chinese government could have blocked his Wikipedia page and all its references to the “Political Monk” being a decent bloke?

Cheers, and a Happy Western and Chinese (Spring Festival) New Year for all!

Max

I sit with a “posse” of 20-odd twenty-somethings in a smoky local restaurant in Beijing as we talk about the “movement”. Like all groups of punk and related subsets, around the world, there needs to be an aim, a goal. Often this goal is sub-alternate. North American Hardcore Punk bands, such as The Dead Kennedy’s and MDC promoted anarchist views. The Straight Edge Movement, led by seminal Hardcore band Minor Threat promoted abstinence from alcohol, tobacco, and drugs –all things that would poison the body. This would be represented often by an “X” drawn on the back of the hand. Others loudly attacked Reagan’s policies during his term in the Oval Office, from ’81-89.

So the question is how to “screw the man” in China. What I found was so much is simply about the music. What is important is for the music to rival the “Hardcore” scene, a subset of punk founded in North America, in the 1980’s, around the world. But the themes must have a distinctive “Chinese character”. It is important to be taken seriously.

The apparent leader of the posses explains to me their aims: “America is a glass of water. China is simply another glass of water. We are both transparent. They (foreign youth) see us and think of Chinese food and maybe martial arts, we want them to know that we have been fighting our battles to.” Which raises the obvious question what are your battles? And how do you fight such battles in the PRC?

The answer in China is often environmental protection, which is not surprising given Beijing’s air quality. It is a pillar of the Hu-Wen government because of its’ popular appeal. China’s government in this sense can be termed quasi-autocratic in that at some level, popular opinions do influence broad government policy ideas, if not their direction or implementation. Environmentalism, is an issue that resonates strongly in China. I am told 80% of the fledging band’s music centres on environmental protection. It an issue that gives them “street cred”, but does not upset those above them, it is an issue that drives the popularity of the Hu-Wen government.

Chinese youth want to be taken seriously. All in the posse didn’t have the “guanxi” or connections to get to University, so they obsess over the world’s punk and hardcore music scene, in an attempt to recreate something truly original – so that the world listens to them. Or the world that matters, the Hardcore scene around the world. The music must be cutting edge, the band might all be good musicians, as indeed they comment many of their peers are, but there is no soul as a band. “We want some form of individuality”. “So many Chinese bands, are talents musicians, but simply copy all that is American”.

They are not a threat to the Chinese Government because their aims are not counter to it. They want the world to understand China, which fits nicely with the nationalism that has been holding the government’s approval rating well above 80%. Many Old China Hands have been analysing this question, of just how sinister China’s new nationalism truly is. The punk scene may give some answers. Firstly, they seek to imitate an American movement but imbue it with Chinese character. Thus, it seems rejection of all that’s foreign is not their aim. Rather it is the give-and-take that they want. As they argue with zeal over the heavy guitars of various Brazilian, Russian and Aussie Hardcore bands, they want China’s sub-culture to be heard too.

What they want is “relativity”. “America has problems, Obama’s slogan was ‘hope for change’, we have problems too”. “I want relativity, that’s what I want”, opines a deeply-thoughtful bass-player from nearby-Tianjin. “What we want is for the world to understand us”. “I know that when the BBC criticises China they are not criticizing me”. “We are “patriots not nationalists”. For the Chinese Government, there is nothing threatening about this, there is a desire to be under-hand but not too sub-alternate.

For these youth, pierced, tattooed and donning “ghetto” clothing, “there are two Chinas”. The China of Beijing and Shanghai is not the real China. They are very aware of that China’s vast development is leaving many behind in the “Second China”. They represent this generation, during the day they work as security guards, in bars, and restaurants. When the sun goes down their music gives them “power”. Their day jobs give them no “face” in Chinese society, but they look in the mirror and have a feeling of something more – that they are outside the two China’s. They traverse both, but import a music scene that makes them international citizens.

When I sat in on their band-meeting, with the extended posse something struck me. They talk about building the movement, producing TV-shirts and creating a “crew”, but there is little talk about the music. I think to myself that this a band who has “sold out” before it has begun. Is building a fan-base is more important than the music?

“No that’s not it…what is important is…building a movement” – so that the music lives on. “We have to build a following at the universities, and play at affordable clubs, with fair cover charges, what we want is for as many people as possible to hear the music”.

Oh, they haven’t sold out: “we want to be political, but we just can’t be too political”. For Hu and Wen this is simply, excuse the pun, music to their ears.

Cheers,

Maxy

1. The Chinese sense of humour – it is a little known fact that the Chinese have a cheeky, sometimes self-depreciatory sense of humour. Think Jackie Mason, but not quite that witty and lacking any sense of observational comedy, social commentary or underlying message. A bit like Seinfeld.

2. Chinese massages – I love Chinese medicine, and I truly believe in it. I love getting my foot massages fortnightly (as the foot is the key to the health of your entire body); and body massages, replete with, Baguan, cupping, monthly. And I love that “my guy” a 50-plus Chinese doctor will diagnose that I am healthy but I need to “sleep more, eat more carrots and winter melon”. Indeed, spot on, Doc. That’s what my GP has been telling me for years.

3. Chinese food – self-explanatory, though “No. 69 –Sweet ‘n’ Sour Pork”; along with fortune cookies, are actually not very Chinese. But you’ll all actually have to get here to know what Lanzhou Lamian, Gong bao ji ding, Xinjiang pita, or Lion’s Head Stew, are for yourself. Sometimes I am not quite sure…

4. Haircuts and shaves – I love having a barber shave my facial hair fortnightly and still am yet to shave myself this year. And I especially, love how after your haircut, they wash your hair –again! Yes, again. Lost in our thrust for time efficiency and water saving, we missed the point in the West. It’s those little bits of hair that annoy you for the rest of your day each time you get a haircut. Suffice to say, businesses lose productivity each time their staff go for a lunchtime haircut and then return to work. It is possibly the most ingenious thing about living in China.

5. The Chinese appreciation for history – the Chinese love it, and they often know more about it than you would expect, for a country closed to the world for so long. Taxi drivers will give you every solution for every single one of the world’s problems in a four-point-three minute ride. For the Chinese, the only outlook is viewed though history’s glasses. It is a truly admirable quality. For instance, one weekend on China National Radio there was a radio drama of the life of the Mo-sa-de agent, Eli Cohen. (Radio dramas should seriously be brought back in Aus, Story Radio is probably my favourite station in China –dead serious). And I love that Hitler transliterates to Xi-te-le (read Shitler) in Chinese. Highly appropriate

6. Zhenbing – like a Chinese crepe (savoury) – a breakfast favourite. It has to be eaten for you to appreciate what I am talking about. Great hangova food. Found everywhere, from street vendors selling them off the back of a bicycle, to stalls inside supermarkets.

7. Minority peoples – they just add something of colour to every part of China, whether they live there are not. Because there are always vendors flogging off their traditional costumes, foods or music. But a personal highlight for me is the music of the Naxi people in Yunnan, one of the poorest and most-minority represented provinces.

8. Chinglish – I am very militant about not speaking English , so much so that I now just find it amusing when Chinese continue to practice their English with me, after I have told them several times I am from Israel, Brazil or even Korea and do not speak a single word of English. They are so proud of maintaining “face”, and proving just how good their English is, even when I look them blankly in the eye.

9. My Taichi classes – they just help me balance and release the stresses of living in China. Anyone who’s lived here can explain…please don’t get me started, my next Taichi class isn’t till Thursday…

10. Chinese TV – Sunday nights on Chinese TV are just such wholesome family fun, the kind of variety shows Aus hasn’t seen since: “Hey, Hey it’s Saturday”. There is something to be said about the low the West has sunk to, to provide quality programming these days. But in the Middle Kingdom, I often shed a tear or two, as China’s legendary variety show host, Li Yong replete with a diamante encrusted tux (think an Asian George Clooney with the personality of that Holden chap from Aussie Idol), makes dreams come true for the disadvantaged, and disabled and…token Chinese minority peoples. Long Live Chinese (Variety) TV! I will really miss it.

Gotta run off to the supermarket to get some carrots and winter melon, till next time,

Cheers,

Max

I am going to say it. China shouldn’t have been given this Olympics. Much has been written about why this is the most controversial Olympics in its 108 year history, and I have been waiting patiently for the outcome, and I am a little heartbroken.

More than most, I have a lot to lose. Not a job, investments, or political currency…but my heart. I have had a long time love affair with modern China spent half a dozen years learning its language. I have lived here in two stints in Shanghai and now Beijing and visited 30-plus cities, towns and villages across China.

I have always told my friends and written in my blog that my first love true was, is and always will be China and its people. But it is the Chinese that I love. I love the Chinese sense of humour, more than anything else. I often wear a T-shirt that says in Chinese: “I am not a foreigner, I am not an invading devil, I am Chinese”. The response is always entertaining.

And living here I feel that way truly -sometimes. I joke with the Chinese in a way that I don’t I actually lose my sense of Aussie larrikinism. Her people are great.

However, giving her the Olympics has two potential outcomes: cementing her government in times of economic bliss or opening her people to the world and most importantly the world’s ideas.

Mark Mordue a long-time China hand and admirer of China wrote on The Age’s pages on the 11th of August:

“I have no doubt these Games are the most significant and politically dangerous since the Berlin Olympics of 1936. Hitler and the Nazi Party sought to use those Games as a propaganda tool for resurgent German nationalism and racist notions of Aryan superiority, and with it Germany’s right to rule the world.

Historical equations, of course, always lack nuance. But the parallels between Berlin 1936 and Beijing 2008 remain odiously apparent. Chinese nationalism is rampant, the poison by which the so-called Communist regime sustains its right to govern today. Underlining it is the racist Han Chinese sensibility that Tibetans, Uighurs and other minorities are lower-grade humans and “barbarians” — as are we Western “long noses”. Talk to any semi-educated Han and you will hear all about China’s phenomenal 5000 years of culture; dig into that talk and you will understand how the past 100 years of Chinese turbulence and misery are the fault of the West.

Arguments in favour of a Beijing Games have related to liberalisation and democratisation, as if exposing China to global influences would assure humanitarian and political progress.”

As Mordue noted the complexity of China’s great civilisation cannot be understated. Nationalism is scarily apparent here, but I am still undecided as to how sinister it is exactly.

But two things remain undisputed, and were evidenced by the Olympics:

1. The brilliance of the Chinese government’s stranglehold on its people by control of information, not persecution as under Mao;
2. The unwillingness of the average Chinese to form an interest in politics or political freedom.

I chose not to be a part of this Olympics in an official capacity, because I don’t know what this Olympics means for China. All I know is that it is the most important moment in modern Chinese history. And the government spoiled all the fun for everyone. No Visas, overzealous security and … communist dance routines by the PLA during the opening and closing ceremonies. I think we’d all agree the most fun for the punters was the British self-depreciation during the closing ceremony. Indeed, no person or country is perfect. So why does this government insist on being so reactionary?

I don’t ever remember there being such a high-profile and well-documented Olympic slogan as “One World, One Dream”, yet no-one seems to know what that dream is? “World peace” is a common response but the CCTV broadcasts said otherwise.

Throughout broadcasts this bizarre message came up during live sporting events on the sports network in the form of a “prayer” for the Dragon country. It was signed by Mr Ben, the CEO of Ben Sports, a channel of China’s national broadcaster.

The message spoke of the weakness of the West, and that the Middle Kingdom shall return triumphant again. But why this message? And more importantly why was it in English?

It lauded the government’s efforts in it’s response to the earthquake and applauds “brothers Hu and Wen”. After the earthquake I went to Sichuan province to see the effects of the earthquake and how I could be of assistance. What I found was unsurprising but heartbreaking. Parks, which often house art exhibitions, throughout Chengdu housed self-congratulatory exhibitions of the response of the Chinese government.

True, Wen Jiabao is loved by China as a new Zhou Enlai -the balance to Mao’s repression, but all of the people I asked including my close Chinese friend, teary-eyed and lapping up the propaganda, refused to believe questions should be asked of the poor-construction. They just don’t want to ask. Why? Criticism of the Chinese government has become criticism of China in their eyes. According to some polls, perhaps accurately, the Chinese government is the world’s most popular with a quite astonishing 86% approval rating. This was widely reported during the Olympics coverage.

Which brings me another well-documented problem: the Chinese government is clever, very very clever. They have learnt from Mao in that they don’t seek to repress the people and imprison dissidents en masse, but control debate.

System error “404″ blocks internet access to unsightly things such as blogs and the world’s most reliable source of information, Wikipedia. The internet police also seed favourble discussions on chat-forums. All of this has been widely reported in the lead-up to the Games.

But the problem is the Games itself. Messages like Mr Ben’s prove the hypothesis correct that China is now unstoppable. Sure private conversations blaming the West for China’s “100 Years of National Shame” are fine…

But why publicly in English for the world to see?

China doesn’t care. Her opening ceremony would have made Kim Jong-il blush. The problem with the rise of China is her immaturity. The government cannot handle any criticism of China -at all. Inside and outside of The Middle Kingdom.

On August 11 the world’s press criticised the empty-but-sold out stadiums. On the 12th I attended the Women’s Hockey match between Australia and Spain. Half the stadium was filled but seat-fillers given free tickets, lunch and T-shirts. The resulting chaos was heartbreaking.

Volunteers, uni students mainly, told everywhere to sit anywhere “today” in a ticketed stadium. A block of foreign supporters arrived asking to sit in their ticketed front row seats. The volunteers only asked the Chinese to move, in Chinese, so as not to cause problems for the other foreigners.

What was a top-down decision affected all in the stands. I refused to allow them to move the 85 year-old Chinese man sitting next to me for he “loved field hockey and been excited by this moment for months”.

The significance of this experience is not the events themselves, but the swift reactionary processes of the Chinese government to a trivial criticism of her games.

And that’s just the point this is not the Olympics in which we all share a vision for the world. This was China’s Olympics. Even the Water Cube national swimming stadium, a masterly feat of sports-stadium engineering, never seen by the world before, carried the message, only in Chinese: “Come on China!” amongst electronic messages that blaze in red through the building’s exterior.

Even the stadium’s themselves were barracking for China. Insignificant maybe, but as Mordue wrote:

“The fact is these Games are about symbolically launching the Chinese Century to come, as well as affirming “the Mandate of Heaven” on the current rulers, an almost mystical form of nationalism updated to present day needs: propaganda reshaped as marketing to launch China Inc. upon us all.”

During the Olympics, I attended a forum for Chinese students run by the American think-tank Asian Society and it was remarked that the Chinese cheered louder for NBA star Kobe Bryant than for Chinese national hero and NBA giant Yao Ming.  Accordingly, I think Mordue’s comments are unfair to the Chinese that I know and love. But only time will distinguish what is “nationalism” and what is just good-old fashioned “civic pride”. One thing is for sure, the Para-Olympics have certainly increased tolerance among the Chinese towards the disabled as has been noted in the mainstream press.

So whether Mordue’s harsh analysis is accurate, only history will record. Revolutions don’t come easy.

Cheers,

Maxy

I grew a beard and wore a traditional Muslim hat, sort of like a Turkish Aladdin-esque white cap. I merged into the local scene easily. The problem was the language as soon I opened my mouth in Chinese rather than the local dialects, my cover was easily blown. Even with a blonde German mate, I was asked in Chinese “if I was a foreigner?”.

Xinjiang is an autonomous region of China, traveling in some places is like being in a Stan, ie Kazakhstan or Turkmenistan rather than China. Yet the Chinese presence is there. With Maoist objects found in local Bazaars and central parks in Urumqi and Kashgar being noticeably Chinese in accent. Pagodas remind the minority people just which culture is dominant.

Yet some things are strangely unexplainable. Hotels in the old city of Kashgar cannot be rented by foreigners. Why this is so, I am yet to discover the answer…

The children loved seeing us and looking at our photos, they posed for us and enjoyed the attention. In Kashgar the calls to prayer reminded us of Amin, the Muslim requirement of prayer five times daily.

I bought Mao’s Little Red Book, the former Communist Manifesto in Weiyu, a local dialect that uses Arabic script. Yet there is a feeling that certain aspects of the culture are preserved by the Chinese government as living museums.

I don’t mean that the locals don’t fiercely protect their culture, but that in certain areas the locals cannot speak Chinese, and therefore are condemned to a life without integration or equal opportunity. Tourism provides financial support but merely subsistence.

A went to a very touristy night market one night and learned much. A large square is shadowed by a huge qingzhensi, Mosque. The stalls surround the imposing structure. The sights and smells more resemble Central Asia than China. Overwhelmed by the touristy products and handicrafts, I decided to leave. Yet I wandered into a carpet stall for a moment and found myself still there two hours later.

I met a carpet trader who sat me down on a Persian rug to relax, in a manner representative of Muslim hospitality.  The merchant, his “brother”, and myself spoke of life, religion and the alluring beauty of Central Asian women. Just so you all know: “fuck Borat”, Kazakhs are gorgeous!

I sat there as Chinese and foreigners bought, bargained and walked away briskly, like a local sitting in his uncle’s store. Watching the way Chinese bargained and foreigners used calculators to illustrate their point was entertaining and amusing. The Chinese were tough, spent much time in the stalls and were keen to have a relic of a Chinese minority person’s culture in their homes. The foreigners, a Russian couple for instance were quick, stern and abrupt. Calculators, the language of trade were punched hard and hands were waved ferociously.

We all love bargaining and we all love markets and especially a good buy, but being the local seller requires much patience. It takes a tough but relaxed personality to make a buck. And of course a huge mark up.

So what about being a Muslim minority person in China, where you can be accused of terrorism charges? “We are all one family…the whole world. In one hundred years…we will be one under Allah”.

What? “Are we all going to become Muslims”, I asked rather flabbergasted.

“No. In one hundred years, we will all be one family, with the help of Allah”.

Oh OK. People will always surprise us. Our prejudices are always there even when claiming to be as PC as Kevin Rudd is humble. And even when assimilating into the local way of life.

I taught the carpet merchants some basic English to aide them in their efforts of selling to foreigners, as “hello” only gets you so far when trading in rugs that can cost upwards of $100 (Aus) and bid them farewell.

Cheers from Chengdu, China,

Max

Cheers,

Maxy

By Chelsea Roffey 4:25 PM Fri 11 July, 2008

China’s Zhao Yong Gen looks upfield during MELBOURNEfc’s Chinese AFL Scholarship Holders training

Country snapshot
ONE FIFTH of the world’s people live in China. Smaller in area that the United States, China has four times the number of people, with a population of 1.3 billion consisting of 56 different ethnicities.

The Chinese have the oldest known calendar, dating back to 2600 B.C. Based on lunar cycles, one calendar cycle takes 60 years to complete.

Gun powder, paper and the compass are some of the inventions to come out of China. Ice-cream was first eaten there around 2000 BC, when a rice and milk mixture was packed into the snow to create a frozen treat. Around the same time, it is believed the Chinese used forks to eat, long before chopsticks became the utensil of choice (there is no evidence to suggest either were used to consume ice-cream).

China is a living example of old-meets-new, with millions living a subsistence lifestyle, while major cities such as Beijing and Shanghai have become part of the modern global economy.

Famous for: The Great Wall, typhoons, kung fu, Buddhism, Taoism, Falun Gong, the Forbidden City, the Terracotta Army, Confucius, Jackie Chan, the giant panda.

Australian football history
China’s AFL link was established when the Melbourne Demons introduced its China Strategy more than 18 months ago, designed to increase links with the Chinese community in Melbourne and promote interest in the game abroad.

The strategy gave two Chinese players, Zhao Wei and Zhao Yong Gen, the opportunity to train in Australia with the Melbourne Football Club on a two-week pre-season development scholarship.

The city of Tianjin has announced it is investing $1.5 million to develop an Australian football ground, and it is hoped that an exhibition match will be played at the 2010 World Expo in Shanghai.

Footy has caught on rapidly in schools and universities, and the Chinese Red Demons will compete in their first International Cup this year.

Jumper colour/design
Red and gold featuring People’s Republic of China stars.

Secret weapons
Melbourne Demons scholarship player and International Captain Zhao Yong Gen has the benefit of his AFL club experience, while tall utility Wang Lei has been playing since 2006.

Ruckman Gao ‘Lurch’ Run Dong sounds like he could scare the opposition into a turnover if unsuccessful in the tap-out.

Chinese are naturals at footy because…
The Chinese are naturally determined and competitive. According to AFL China Development Manager Andrew Sawitsch: “When China decides to do something, for example build a wall, a forbidden city or hold the Olympic Games, they will go all out and do it to the extreme and to the best of their ability.”

Squad nicknames
Sawitsch explains that in Chinese language, putting ‘ah’ before a given name is an affectionate or friendly term.

‘A Lun’ and ‘A Gen’ from the squad are essentially the equivalent of a Wazza and Davo.

Plugger has a lot to live up to, and Lurch you’ve already met. Considering the team has two players surnamed ‘Zhao’ and seven nicknamed ‘Zhang’ (none related), a few more monikers may be required for on-field communication purposes.

The hardest thing about playing footy in China
It can be difficult finding fields large enough to play 18-a-side. A nine-a-side competition run on soccer pitches may be the way of the future.

Lost in translation
There is no clear word for a ‘goal’, as distinct from a behind – perhaps due to the influence of other sports such as basketball and soccer, where no distinction in scores is necessary. Importantly, players know to score ‘six-pointers’ in preference to ‘one-pointers’.

So far I’ve gone 5,000km from Beijing: from Beijing-to-Datong-to-Jiayuguan-to-Dunhuang-to-Urumuqi. Urumuqi is the capital of China’s Muslim West and my main destination for this leg of my journey. The Muslims here, the Uyghurs are descendants of Turkish traders and make hybridised Chinese-Mediterranean food. Ideal for lovers of pita and stir-fry. What else do you need? Though, notably lacking in hummus so far.

I wana tell you guys two stories, one of heartbreak and one of sheer serenity and tranquility.

I’ll start with my tale of “how’s the serenity?” -Daryl Kerrigan style. I climbed an iconic section of the Great Wall in Jiayuguan, a 27 hour train ride from Datong.

However for a full-hour I had the wall to myself! In China, a country of a billion people and a growing number of backpackers.Getting on a train in Beijing is like ramming cattle into a pen. Lining up in China is an exercise in hip-and-shouldering your nearest opponent and hoping no umps are watching to take down your number for a pending tribunal appearance. (Go Bombers just by the way!).

It was awesome.I climbed one section and vowed to stay there until the next person arrived. It was bliss. I felt so insignificant. It was an amazing feeling. Thousands had previously walked a place where I now sat and pondered like an enlightened Buddha wearing Chuck Taylor’s and sporting a not-so-cheap Casio digital camera. All I had to say was “how’s the serenity?” And no-one was around to reply. Say no more.

Story number two is actually two tales; one of hope; and one a heartbreaking a tale of government propaganda breaking the soul of a kid. I met two characters worth mentioning on my train from Datong to Jiayuguan. Both were 17. One had an extra limb, one is missing a leg.

Yue Na-En, is 17and from Urumuqi, he is Han and not a Muslim minority person. He is missing a leg. I didn’t ask him why this was so. But his smile was enormous. He had big dreams: to be a film director. He asked me politely for an English name, Yue Na-En…hmmmm… “Jonathon?”. Perfect. “Yoni” for short I told him.

I don’t want to get repetitive with this heartfelt stuff, but Yoni really touched me. Mostly it is his sense of ‘I wana get on with the job’. He really was very enthusiastic about the possibilities of life. Traveling on his own to see China, despite the impediment of having to walk with the aid of crutches.

Before leaving and being thirsty myself, I bought Yoni a strawberry ice cream. He was most appreciative. I hope Yoni realises his dream and does became a film director. Watch out for the name “Yoni Yue”.

The next part of my story is rather sad. I met a seventeen student on his way to Jiayuguan for the Olympic torch  parade. He was, in fact, to my amazement, a huojushou, torch bearer. That torch represents his extra limb. He was awarded this honour for being the most diligent student in his school in Ganshu province. Diligent students in China are like revered pop stars are in the West. This is indeed a quality to be admired. When I read the Age these days, I feel as though I am reading a tabloid and inadvertently know way to much about that Spears chick, what’s her name again?

Anyway, Tom, his English name, which he asked me to change, invited me to watch him running with the torch and to celebrate together. I quickly accepted, Joel’s (renamed after my nephew Buddy (Joel)) invitation and deferred my travels to Dunhuang by a day. One small problem…

The government of the People’s Republic of China. Fearful of overzealous Westerners since Tibet flared up, Westerners, are not allowed within 7 trillion km of the torch zones. Police officers will escort you back to your hotels and hostels and lock you up there.

Yet another example of this government hurting China’s long-term interests. Again you technocratic simpletons, we love China. We live, tour and travel here because we choose to, you are hurting yourselves in the long-term. Quite frankly I don’t want you to run the world until you liberalise this place and give kids like Joel the freedom of creativity to build a better China.

On the train, Joel told me he has four heroes: Mao Zedong, Zhou Enlai (actually a great hero of mine too, a deeply humane person in China’s commie history) , Vladmir Putin and Bi-Er Gai-Tse (Bill Gates). Joel is a commie party pin-up boy old-school style.

So when I informed him that I wouldn’t be watching the parade he was shattered. How could I justify a day in a nice-but-nothing-special kinda town to not see the torch. It broke my heart to tell Joel why I couldn’t see the torch. He was such a wide-eyed kid. “It’s not true”, he protested when I told him foreigners couldn’t see the torch. Sadly it is, I am sorry Joel. I wish it wasn’t.

On the flip side Joel will not forget this event, I hope. He will go back to his school in the Ganshu province a hero. I hope that maybe this indignation at the way his foreign friend was treated will inspire political liberation and progress in China. Good luck, Joel. When economies are ‘goin’ a bit of alright’ political progress is tough.

Cheers from Urumuqi, Xinjiang province,

Max

I refused to buy a sleeping carriage ticket. I sat, as the only foreigner amongst the masses with a seated ticket. Sleeping is not an option. No matter how much I protest and tell my new friends that I am Chinese, (of Xinjiang, Chinese Muslim extraction) my electronic dictionary quickly gives things away. My “Jiayou Zhongguo!”, “Come on China!” hat, is only met with xiexie, ie thanks and nothing more. I am always accorded celebrity status.

Peasant women, who may have never seen a foreigner, ask me a myriad of questions, often about prices, costs and the lifestyle of Australia. Though well-meaning, Australia is called Russia in conversation, such is the difficulty of knowing much of the world outside of the fields. One lady asks for my semester’s work, (consisting of hundreds of flashcards with my new Chinese words on them), to give her niece struggling with her English studies. I politely decline, but offer her all my knowledge of the best methodology for learning English.

One person, a random passenger thinks I am a famous artist. She shows me her book of famous classical Chinese paintings, as says: “your work must be better than that, right?” I smile and nod. Never have I said I was an artist on the train, nor has the word come up in conversation, but I am truly flattered.

One lady who speaks “a little” English, asks me how to spell “Father’s Day” so she can wish her “very good American friend” a Happy Father’s Day. I explain that such wishes are best kept for your actual father. Nevertheless, he “is a man”, she protests. Close enough.

You see, having a foreign friend in rural parts of China, as indeed in other places, is an aspirational concept, much like a new mobile phone. Indeed, to digress, all Chinese have such things -flashy mobile phones. On the train to Tianjin (Melbourne’s Sister City) the other week, two Buddhist monks, robed and possession-less pulled out better mobile phones than Nokia has ever dreamed of making. Everyone in China must have an extraordinary mobile phone. Everyone.

Back to the Pingyao Express, while the mountains out the windows are mind-blowing, truly mountains only China can produce, the people are the real gems of this country.

“Hello” is heard all train ride-long. So too, is “waguoren” or “laowai” both meaning foreigner. Often when they see a “yanggui” literally, like a ghost, ie a white person speaking, they still think they don’t understand cos you look white and just couldn’t be speaking Chinese. Cigarettes are always on offer, along with the byline: “China’s best”. The attention is incessant, frustrating, entertaining and lively. In the sleeping carriages people do just that, sleep. In the other carriages people play cards all night, and music is still blaring at 3am. Consideration for others is not a particularly Chinese attribute.

I had a great conversation with a softly-spoken gunner in the PRC army on his way back to base. He had previously been the subject of a barrage of abuse from some peasant seeking to make a point of himself. Nevertheless, the soldier was one of the most charming and articulate people I have met of late. A military man and a quiet thinker pondering international relations and China’s future, as if he, himself, were Hu Jintao or Wen Jiabao. Such encounters give me faith in the Chinese. Indeed there might be a time when the passengers on the train will be setting the world’s agenda; maybe not these passengers in particular.

In sum, some great characters were met and an enjoyable but sleepless night was had by all.

The Return Leg:

On the return leg to Beijing we were all unable to buy sleeping carriage tickets. Only standing room tickets, that means no seat for a twelve hour overnight journey. Buying our $1(Aus) stools and placing them between carriages drew the attention of the Chief Conductor. Without prompting he offered to see if spare sleepers were available.

Ten minutes later he returned with sleeping tickets. No bribe was paid. We paid the additional ticketed amount to upgrade to the sleeper carriage and only had to do one small favour…

This is guanxi in action. Guanxi –is the Chinese cultural notion of reciprocal favours. They must be returned in a Confucian conception of balance among relationships. The concept is much more complicated but that is the basic gist. The point is that we got an upgrade and all we had to do was translate some standard phrases that a conductor might need, from Chinese to English.

The following morning, one of the girls I was traveling with was woken at 9am and asked to sign a document saying that no “haochufei” or monetary fee was taken for the upgrade. Just covering his tracks, I guess. Nevertheless I slept like a baby. Trains in China teach one so much about tianxia, literally below heaven, or The World of China.

Cheers,

Max

Credit must go to the likeness of the ‘Golden Arches’.

Till next time,

Cheers,

Maxy

PS: Yesterday three minutes silence was observed for the victims of the earthquake in Sichuan. The Chinese response, governmental and layperson alike has been amazing. I watched Hu Jintao’s leadership rise to new levels on CCTV, the other today, his interpersonal skills were masterly. One of my Chinese friends told me each night they turn off their lights and pray for the victims and survivors.

My only question is, had this earthquake happened before Tibet flared up, would the torch relay have been the debacle it was?

PPS: For the record I own two pairs of Erke (To Be No.1) sneakers, and am a big fan and regular customer of Qing Qing Burger.